Here it is. Don’t ask me how I found it. I originally posted this on Monday

The Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth

I’ve been really weepy lately. Not so much weepy, but choked up and emotional about the stupidest things. Blog entries about nothing exciting, my mom laughing uproariously, Insane Rosie O’Donnell’s blog (I’m serious).

Sometimes the things that choke me up are valid (yesterday at church is a good example of that. I am going to a wedding on Friday. Lord help us all.

I sat on a friend’s baby on Friday (see flickr photos) and it got me thinking. I dream about parenting all the time, but sometimes it scares the bejesus out of me and I feel like I wouldnt be very good at it. I am a selfish single person and have no concept of what it is like to be depended upon in that way. Four hours with Katie “I Can Do It My SELF” F. and I am rethinking the whole parenting thing. She is at the stage where she is basically a ticking toddler time bomb. If you flush the toilet after she goes instead of letting her do it, you will pay the price for the next hour. You will relive that moment and ask yourself, “Why? Why did I flush? I know that she can do it. Why didn’t I leave the toilet alone?”

She WILL wear her pajamas to the park and she WILL bring her popcicle with her and it MUST be dribbled on her pajamas. There will be no negotiations about the rolling in the sandbox while continuing to clutch the popcicle. The prized piece of poop she picked up off the ground will have to be wrenched from her sticky, sandy fingers.

Most of the time, though, I ache to be a mother. I dream about having a family and having that be my world. I think I need a few years to make sure, though.

Dad, can you repost your comment? Cuz that’s gone