Oh hey everybody! It’s been a while! I bet both of you were wondering where I’d gone! I am here. Sitting on my yoga ball while Nuggy pummels and jabs me continuously. I’m proud that my child is so strong, but it is starting to get a little old. Being kicked and stabbed from inside my body was pretty cool and exciting at first, but now it is just irritating. Poor Nuggy is getting cramped, though, and that would drive me nuts too. How would you like to be stuffed in a sac with your feet in your face and your butt in the air and your head in a headlock for weeks on end? I wouldn’t like that very much. I might kick too. I’m glad Nuggy doesn’t have teeth or long claws or anything.
Sitting around sucks. I like to knit, so I do that, and I like to read and listen to audiobooks and podcasts, so I do that. But I can’t do that all day. I want to go swim a bunch of laps and run a couple of miles. My body is craving intense physical exertion. I have to wait two more weeks for that. Aughhh. Okay, enough complaining.
Here are some things I CAN do right now:
- Smash flies. Our house is full of flies because the Door to Nowhere is warped and won’t stay shut. (It has a 1 story drop behind it. Yay us for our mad babyproofing skillz!) I have been following flies around the house and smashing them with important medical documents. I am particularly proud of killing a copulating couple on the wall next to the toilet while I peed. There are fly carcasses smeared on all the windows too.
- Play Tetris. I am a fierce Tetris warrior.
- Fold things and then refold them.
- Order things online.
Speaking of ordering things online. I just ordered my home birth kit. Whoa. I did not read the fine print when I signed up for this little adventure. There are little plastic nether region bath things that fit inside your toilet bowl to soothe your hoo ha. On the list of must have items was a Brief with a Mattress built into it to soak up the carnage after it’s all over. Nuggy better be really cute.
Keith and I went to Portland a couple of weeks ago and had a great visit with my family. We ate crab and made baby butt cream and played games. I had a baby shower while I was up there too. It was the nicest baby shower I had ever been to. Some of that has to do with the fact that I was the one receiving all the presents, but it was also lovely because we drank tea and ate little cakes and did not play one single idiotic game. I got to reconnect with old friends and attempted to hold my friend Lily’s new baby, but Nuggy was in the way.
I have another baby shower coming up this weekend, thrown by some Ukiah friends. This one will be fun and silly, I think. I hear talk of Mad Libs and such.
I have nothing more to say. I think I’ll go fold some tea towels.