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May 10, 2007 / Kate

Are you ashamed of your overweight hands?

Do you feel that your pudgy hands are keeping you from getting what you want out of life?

Are you tired of refusing that delicious piece of chocolate cake because you know it will go right to your hands?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then the LactaGoat3000 Hand Strength Training System might be just what you need.

Within minutes of starting our Core Expression exercises, you will feel the burn of success, right where you need it. The muscles in your hands and fingers will cramp and tighten, creating the slimming and toning results you want and deserve.

No more hiding your hands under the table! No more embarrassing questions about your ring size! The LactaGoat3000 will give you the confidence you need to get out there and realize your full potential!

So call today to order your Freshened Starter Kit for only $150* And you will receive a free gluteal resting stool. If you call within the next five minutes, we’ll throw in an ice bucket and a salt lick, absolutely free!

We guarantee you will love this product.**

*Prices vary by lineage

**Use as directed. LactaGoat3000 Inc. is not responsible for head injuries sustained from incorrect use of this product.

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4 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. maria / May 11 2007 5:06 am

    Hahaha. I hope that after all that you actually like the milk…

  2. Cuz / May 11 2007 3:32 pm

    I used to have hands like Rosie O’Donnell. I was sad and had to high-five fat kids for money. I felt like such a whore.
    But now my whore-fiving days are over! After using the LactaGoat system, I have hands like Lara Flynn Boyle! Now I work for the mob. If you don’t pay your protection money, you’re in for a pinch! Thanks LactaGoat!

  3. jessmonster / May 11 2007 4:44 pm

    You need some before and after pictures.

  4. Taylor / May 11 2007 7:59 pm

    I answered yes to all the questions but I’d rather just get lipo on my fingers than molest a goat teet.

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