Is thems the thoughts of cows?
Well, it’s that time of year again: when I attempt yet again to break my devastating half and half addiction. You’d think as a Substance Abuse Therapist I would have some refusal skills in my back pocket, some other way to cope with memories of my terrible childhood and all the crippling depression. But as they say, the plumber’s faucet always leaks, and this plumber leaks half and half. Or something like that. It sounded better in my head.
Oh lord, forgive me my weaknesses and aid me in conquering this beast once and for all! I long to wake up in the morning and not have my second thought (my first one always being, “Where am I?) be one of panic, wondering if the refrigerator is stocked with enough cream to get me through one more day.
Starting Monday, this is it. This is the year Things Will Be Different. I will replace my evil creamy thoughts with more healthy, Jumping Jacky ones. I will switch to Earl Grey with Honey and spurn the slippery slope of Soy Lattes. I can do this.
Or Keith will come home on Monday from a-toiling with the bees to find me passed out on the kitchen floor in a pool of Clover (Free Farmed!) Organic Half and Half (“from happy cows”), Mollie pushing the empty carton around with her nose in order to coax out the remaining contents.
But I’m pretty sure I can do this.