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December 17, 2006 / Kate

Rough Amore

On Fridays, Kathy and I bond over Days of Our Lives. We mostly make fun of it, and we hardly ever get emotional over the tragedy that Belle Black’s life has become, what with the switched embryos and her daughter’s kidnapping.

Yesterday we were watching a scene in which John and Marlena are roughing up a guy in a hotel room in Italy, and the cops are knocking on the door. Marlena and John make a fantastic couple because they both have had lots of plastic surgery, and they are no longer able to make their faces change expression. John always looks suspiciously constipated, and Marlena has a look combining bemusement, surprise, and wonder. She opened the hotel room door and told the police that she and her husband were on their honeymoon and they were having some “rough amore”. The police were satisfied with her explanation of the noise, and left her and John to tie up and gently pummel the man. Phew. It was close. Thank God for Rough Amore.

I haven’t posted in a while, and I think its because I’ve been distracted with all the screaming. I last left you with a delightful story involving Keith, a rag, and some smelly goat balls. Well, the rag was successfully hung on a nail in Ramona and Beezus’ suite, and we stood back to observe our girls. Remember: the breeders all say that if the females get excited with the rag, they are in heat. If they don’t care about it, they are not. Interpret this: they ate half of it and then threw it over the wall of their stall. In heat, or not in heat?

Jess says that they might just be feminists, and they were just making a political statement, but I am not so sure.

A few days ago, Beezus began to scream incessantly. She sounds like a torture victim. It’s a piercing, desperate scream, and she won’t stop. We’ve decided that this is what Beezus does when she is in heat, and we are working on getting her a boyfriend. We will do anything to stop the screaming. That is why I’ve created a Myspace page for her. If you know of any single male goats, disease free, please send them our way. Beezus needs some action.

One Comment

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  1. Holly R / Mar 24 2007 3:18 am

    Hi Red Couch Fever – I have a goat JUST LIKE YOURS (pygmy) that SCREAMS so loud you can honestly hear her 1/2 a mile away. She does this for 3 days non-stop every 3 weeks from November to April. I’m ready to kill her for dinner but then my wether will be lonely.

    If you find any solution other than a buck I’d love to hear it. I’ve tried Prozac, Valerian Root, Treats – she even screams while she’s eating with her mouth full. I’ve heard that giving them estrogens can time the heat cycles, but it won’t stop that unholy noise.

    Thanks for the fun reading – Holly, Las Vegas

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