Go ahead. Script your life. You won’t remember a thing.
Is anyone as deeply and profoundly disturbed by this new Walmart ad campaign as I am? All the pills flying around the playground? The glass filled with pills and the straw made of pills to suck up all the fucking pills? AAAAOHMYGAWW! Script your life. Just dope yourself on every kind of pill imaginable and become a lifelong Walmart pharmacy customer. Then you won’t actually have to feel any nasty feely feelings.
I know, I know. TV is bad and I shouldn’t be watching it. But the Days, they call me and their call is so sweet. So sweet.
I love it when soap stars talk to themselves. “I can’t let Sharla ever know the truth about her son’s abduction on the island. If she knew, she wouldn’t fund the research to cure my husband’s unnamed and incurable and very rare disease. I can’t live without him! Oh! Boo! Hoo!” and then they go off to hide the evidence. If I ever needed to blackmail someone, I would use all of the useful knowledge I have gained from Days of Our Lives. I would nail that potential sumbitch.