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May 8, 2006 / Kate

The Keys to the Kingdom are Locked Inside the Kingdom

I need those PTS reports
“Give it to me straight Sven, tell me the truth or so help me, I will carve my own eye out with my grapefruit spoon”

Sven relented and told me aboot Option Five. Option Five is a secret. Sven made me swear on the life of my iBook that I would not tell a soul, but my iBook’s life hasn’t technically started yet. It has not yet been re-incarnated, as it were. I swore, and Sven told me everything.

Option Five allows you to talk to Real Live Person at your Apple Store rather than Betty, the Automated Bitch From Hell With Some Major Hearing Loss. I say, “iBook Representative” and she says, “Okay! I’ll get you an iPod* representative!” I say, “Please let the repair be done soon” and she says, “Okay! I’ll get you a grapefruit spoon!”

At the end of the day, I am right back where I started. Basically I get no information out of these guys. Sven knows nothing, Betty know, but she is not telling, and the Real Person at the Apple store says that there is no change on my account, meaning that my iBook is currently being used as a booster seat or a foot rest for the Apple technicians. I am working on breathing in and out on a regular basis.

I don’t really have much to say because I have employed myself as Jessmonster’s blog muse. Since I carved up the juicy bits for her, I don’t have a whole lot left to give. We had a partay on Saturday to commemorate the birthdays of Mollie and Kitri who turn 8 and 24 respectively on the 12th. Mollie got wasted and ended up passed out under the table with her collar off.

Scraping the Bottom of the Blog Barrel
I swear last night I got 8 hours of REM sleep. It was exhausting. I had intense, crazy dreams involving a deceptively tiny yet heavy red wagon that I had to maneuver through heavy highway traffic.

*Blogger spell check wanted to replace Kitri with “Kidder” and iPod with “wiped”

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