Won’t you be my neighbor?
We have this crazy neighbor who’s hobbies include chain smoking, verbally attacking people, and hopping into his car and taking it for a spin around the block every two hours. Recently, while I was sitting on the couch, stabbing my eyeballs with a pencil to pass the time, I heard a loud knock on his door. The knocking continued. I found this odd, because he had returned mere seconds before from one of his little joyrides.
After about fifteen minutes of loud knocking on his door, there came a knock on my door. Giggling with the anticipation of having a conversation with another human being, I answered, revealing a tough looking woman holding an envelope. She looked pissed. And fresh out of prison or something.
Scary Woman: Sorry to bother you, but does a Mr. Mark Dicker (I cant remember his last name, Dicker is close, and kind of fitting) live next door here?
Me: Yes, can I help you?
SW: No, I am just trying to deliver him something. Is that his car parked in the driveway?
Me: Yes it is, I think he is home.
SW: I think so too. Have a good day.
She turned around and started banging on all his windows shouting, “Mr Dicker, please come out. I dont want to have to contact your employer!”
Just as she was about to give up, he shouts out the window at her.
I can hear you, I just can’t see you. Where are you?
I’m in the back, where are you?
In the front.
She runs around to the front of the apartment, and he doesnt come outside. She knocks on the door again. He doesnt answer.
This goes on for another 20 minutes, until she finally gives up and leaves (perhaps to contact his employer)
Me so confuse.
1) If you want someone to think you are not home, do not shout out the window at them and then continue hiding. They now know you are home.
2) I wonder what she was trying to deliver.
3) That was quite entertaining
4) I am starved for entertainment
About five minutes after she left, he came walking out the door for another relaxing drive around the block. He came back home and posted this sign on his door:
So now I have more questions.
1) Where did you go to school?
2) Is it just one rap on the door, or one series of raps? How many times are my knuckles supposed to hit the door?
3) What happens if I exceed the number of knocks allotted to me?
4) Why, for the love of all things sacred do you drive your car around the block six times a day??
The UPS guy just pulled up and dropped something off for the neighbor. He opened the screen door, read the note carefully, knocked three times, and walked away quickly. Now he has something to blog about.