Strange Body Phenom #1564: Plate Tectonics
So I have these bumps on the tops of my feet that have been bothering me for months now. I thought that they might be cysts and went to a podiatrist to see about them being removed. My appointment was this morning, directly after another dentist appointment. And no, I did not grope my dentist this time.
I was all fuzzy mouthed and usually I explain to each person that I talk to about how I just came from the dentist and I don’t normally talk like this, but this time I decided to forego the explanation and pretend that this is how I really talk. It was interesting to see how people treated me differently. I’ve been taking too many sociology classes.
The podiatrist took one look at my feet and then basically diagnosed me with Plate Tectonic Feet. He said that the bones on the tops of my feet are deformed because of my incredibly high arches (I danced the dance of the Irish for 11 years). The bones are pushing against each other and moving upward because there is nowhere else to go. I am basically going to have a Footquake at some point in my life. Cysts tend to form on top of the Bone Mountain, making a nice point at the top. Apparently this is a common problem with people who have high arches.
The only solution is a surgery in which they SHAVE MY BONES DOWN to level out the tops of my feet. I can think of nothing more pleasant than that. Here’s the kicker: The doc recommended that I wait until I can no longer walk through the pain because this will be an ongoing problem all of my life and I will eventually have to have another surgery. I will just have to shave my bones every few years.
What the hell? Why are my bones giving me so much trouble? Why are they moving? Why can’t they just stay put?
Do they have a support group for this?