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March 28, 2005 / Kate

I love me some thunder

As I look back on my life so far and pack my bags for death, as I prepare to leave this world and join the next, I must make the all important decision as to who gets all my stuff. I choose to do this because I feel that my time is drawing near, and I really like the word ‘bequeath’.
Here goes:
To Toni and Jess, I hereby bequeath my blog. I feel that you will do a great job at seeing that I live on through the inane postings and links to often inappropriate websites.
To my cousin, (I dont know if your name is internet public, so I wont reveal it) I hereby bequeath all of my prettiest dresses to add to your collection. May you look as pretty as me in them, my good man!
The last of my supply of grapefruits I shall reluctantly bequeath to the Jessmonster. Enjoy them and their beautiful juiciness.
My half of The Red Couch will also go to Jess. If I could take it with me to the Great Beyond, I would, believe me.
The rest of my Early Grey tea, I leave to my dear boyfriend, Teeth. He loves him some tea.
I guess I can leave my car to my mother, because hers is so dirty, it is beyond redemption.
To my dear father, I will leave the leftover beer in the fridge and, what the heck, he can take the whole fridge. What do I care? I’m gonna be dead!
My enormous collection of green items I will leave to Joanne, a fellow lover of green.
Geoff, dear Geoff. I still have a picture of you climbing a mountain. You can have that back I guess, along with my hiking boots.
To Nathan, I leave the leftover macaroni and cheese in the fridge. Its all yours, baby.
My clothes (minus the dresses, of course) go to Jess.
A, sweet A. We bought you a plunger to replace the one we took from the old house. We’ve been meaning to give it to you, now that I have gone, its all yours. You can have my computer that I left at your house too. I dont think they have internet in the next world.
The rest of the wine on the wine rack obviously goes to Wino Teeth. Don’t forget to drink one for my homies.
Jesse, you can have one of the chairs in my living room because I feel bad about fighting with you over the chair in Mexico
Jenna, I love you. You can have my hooka. Oh, I wanna smoke it one last time before I go. (I’ll be right back)
Okay, I’m back. Where was I? Oh yeah.
Steve, you get my digital camera. I love it so much, this is a great honor. You also get all the Dolphin’s paraphernalia I’ve been hiding in my closet all these years. It must be worth millions.
Mike and Kat don’t read this blog, but I think I will leave them my music. They like music.

“I thought it would be ‘behoovy’ of me to leave you with a couple of ideas for quotes on my tombstone stolen from Stranger’s With Candy (I love me some SWC)
“The agonizing ironicality”
“She previously foresaw this unforseen eventuality”

Well, I feel the Icy Hand of Death upon me, so I guess this is goodbye. Take it easy y’all.

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7 Comments

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  1. jess / Mar 29 2005 10:14 am

    Sniff…I vote for the second quote. We’ll miss you, sweetie.

    Actually, I hope you’re not dead in your room right now. You called in sick to work, but you didn’t call in dead. I’m afraid to check on you, even though I’d like to offer you some Earl Gray if you haven’t yet “gone into the other room and closed the door.” Wait…you ARE in the other room! And the door is closed! Crap, what am I going to do without you?

  2. vasisthadas / Mar 29 2005 11:20 am

    w00h00! Dresses! Do I get to score any other loot when you bite the big tamale?

    Seriously, though, I hope you start to feel better soon. If you see a dentist about your tooth and cheek, they can give you this topical anasthetic that will work miracles. When you can’t feel it, your tongue stops messing with it. When you stop picking at it, it heals faster. It seriously sucks to be all infirmed like you are. Please let me know if I can do anything for you from Mediocre City.

  3. Kate / Mar 29 2005 7:28 pm

    Still patiently awaiting iminent death.
    Can you bring me some water? I cant get up anymore.

  4. LousyCook / Mar 30 2005 6:31 am

    Oh how fun — I could definitely use a new digital camera. Dolphins stuff is always welcome too of course.

    When did you get so deathly ill? I haven’t read for a few days… I must have missed something.

    Oh by the way, I should let you know that you’ve inspired me to start a blog as well, though mine is not nearly as entertaining. I use is mostly as a way to keep track of recipes I’ve made up — most of which suck. I love to cook these days. I’m actually looking at culinary school, can you believe that? Emily will kill me if I drop 6K on a semester of culinary school though.

    Anyway, check it out. There are some good lenten recipes.
    http://addwaterandheat.blogspot.com

  5. Kate / Mar 30 2005 9:17 am

    Hey there Tivo!
    Remember when you were drunk and you made Ramen? And you kept burning yourself? Good times.
    I will blogroll you

  6. LousyCook / Mar 30 2005 10:33 am

    Ok, I haven’t been around this blog thing long enough. What does “Blogroll” mean?

    Yeah, I remember the Ramen thing. Don’t each much Ramen these days — can’t remember the last time in fact. However, my Alton Brown Cook Book has a recipe called Ramen Radiator. Maybe I’ll give it a shot.

  7. Kate / Mar 30 2005 10:39 am

    Your Blogroll is the list of blogs you read on your sidebar.
    See? You are called Top Ramen.
    I never eat it either. Its funny how what we ate and chose to do with our free time in Mexico is nothing like what our lives are like now.

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